Showing posts from December, 2011

New Year, Old Me

New Years is always about looking forward and starting fresh. For many, there is a clean slate involved somewhere in the foray. Resolutions are made, broken. Dreams are toasted with a little sparkling cider or champagne.

In previous years, I have participated in the celebration and Auld Lang Syne. I made resolutions. I broke them, usually by the 15th of January. I looked ahead to dreams and plans that were not really my own, which is why they were so easy to break. There was no passion or commitment to see them through. Why? Because they really, ultimately, did not matter.

Seriously, does the world become a better place because I lose a few pounds? Read more? Play more tennis? Drink more/less coffee? Watch less TV? Finish the novel? Does it matter? Does it change lives? Does it feed the hungry? Shelter the cold? Get people off drugs? Heal broken homes?

Nah. It makes no difference whatsoever.

One of my favorite movies of all time is Star Trek: Generations. from a film critic standpoint…


A season of change is upon me. Actually, I have come full circle. Let me explain with a bit of backstory.

You see, this blog was born out of bitterness, as evidenced by my very first post. I was going through the most awful time in my life, and a good friend suggested that I use blogger to vent and process. Before 2004, I had it all by the world's standards. I was a pastor, I had a wife and three amazing children, a cat, a dog, two cars, and a 4 bedroom house in a nice neighborhood. Appearances can be deceiving, however, and material things are not a guarantee of happiness. Often, the opposite is true.

My wife of 13 years left me for another man. My church asked for my resignation. Many (not all) of my friends threw me under the proverbial bus. Suddenly, a life devoted to God became a life devoted to being angry at God. I have been mad at so many people for so long. It has affected my mental and physical health.

I remarried in 2004, and I made a short "comeback" to the …